In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So apparently I’m into choking now
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
