She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
