the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
