just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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