I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
