why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
