I wish my penis had an off switch
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
