You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
