if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
