youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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