I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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