remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize