I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
