well you can't waste a boner
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
