I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
