So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
