OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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