I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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