It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
