Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
In other news, I just burned my penis
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Randomize
