Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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