I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
