Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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