My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think I died a long time ago.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
