so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
