I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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