You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Come on in and take your pants off
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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