I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
