i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
