Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
