I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
