You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
