If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
