Is it because I queefed?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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