I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
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He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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