420 ftw
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
