I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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