So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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