The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
