the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
