he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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