Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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