420 ftw
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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