I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
