She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You were trust falling into bushes
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
