o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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