with your own penis?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
