I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
