AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
