cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
