Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
