in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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