1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
