she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
