The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I want to fling myself into the sun
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
