You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I love having hate sex.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
