WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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