we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
