if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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