The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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