She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
