I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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