It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
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Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
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He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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