We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
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I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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